How many of you has despise yourself ?.. Feeling uneasy with your action ?.. Anxious ?..
I am not knowing exactly how I am actually. Mostly feeling all high and mighty. Always want to be above all and actually drive my dearest person to me hard as the current me. Me: not really know that that’s how I am.
At one time, I am joining new group for lunch. Never go out with them before. As for this one guy said, “…you have change of wind. It is so sudden. Hahaha…”
I got no problem with it hahaha..
Then, we got our lunch. Chit chatting about this and that. Me, mostly I’m keep quite, just few time fill in the blank of the conversation. But then, there are side of me who want to be acknowledge.. actually not acknowledge also, it is more like “I want to join them” and not just fill in the blank.. it is the urge to be accepted, to be accepted into the group.
…. Until then, we came to this on conversation that I am more familiar, involves my association with that person we are talking about. No good thing on her, just not very bad also. But, because me who want to be accepted so much, I blurted out something I shouldn’t about her. Wow!.. I’m the worst.
I’m the worst. Just realize it after awhile. Taken aback.
Why do I said it ?.. Why not I be myself ?.. “Let them accept me as who I am, and not because who the person I’m talking shit about.” That’s what I’m keep on thinking. I want to be myself. To love myself more. To change what is bad, and ship to good.
What is Good?! What is Bad?!!
I also don’t know how this classification goes.